Full Read the Online Chapter 32 – MILES of the Ugly Love book PDF by Colleen Hoover for free.
Ugly Love book PDF by Colleen Hoover Chapter 32 Read Online – MILES
Six years earlier
Lisa loves Clayton.
My dad loves Clayton.
Clayton fixes families.
He’s already my hero, and he’s only two days old.
Shortly after my dad and Lisa leave, Ian arrives. He says he doesn’t want to hold Clayton, but Rachel makes him. He’s uncomfortable because he’s never held a baby before, but he holds him.
“Thank God he looks like Rachel,” Ian says.
I agree with him.
Ian asks Rachel if I ever told her what I said to him after I met her.
I don’t know what he’s talking about.
“After he walked you to class that first day, he took a picture of you from his seat,” Ian tells her. “He texted it to me and said, ‘She’s gonna have all my babies.’ “
Rachel looks at me.
Rachel loves that I said that to Ian. I love that Ian told her that.
The doctor comes in and tells us we can go home now. Ian helps me take everything to the car and pull it up to the exit. Before I go back to Rachel’s room, Ian touches my shoulder. I turn around and face him.
I get the feeling he wants to tell me congratulations, but instead, he just hugs me.
It’s awkward, but it’s not. I like that he’s proud of me.
It makes me feel good. Like I’m doing this right.
Ian leaves. So do we.
Me and Rachel and Clayton.
I want Rachel to sit in the front seat with me; however, it warms my heart to see her riding in the back with him. The depth of her affection for him fills me with joy. The fact that my attraction to her has grown stronger since she became a mother is intriguing. Kissing her is something I yearn for. Expressing my love for her again seems tempting, but I worry that I might overwhelm her with my constant declarations. I’m determined to ensure she never grows weary of hearing it.
“Thank you for this baby,” she says from the backseat. “He’s beautiful.” I laugh. “You’re responsible for the beautiful part, Rachel. The only thing he got from me was his balls.”
She laughs. She laughs hard. “Oh, my God, I know,” she says. “They’re so big.”
We both laugh at our son’s big balls.
“Rest,” I tell her. “You haven’t slept in two days.”
I see her smile in the rearview mirror. “But I can’t stop staring at him,” she whispers.
I can’t stop staring at you, Rachel.
But I do stop, because the oncoming traffic is brighter than it should be.
My hands grip the steering wheel. Too bright.
I’ve always heard your life flashes before your eyes in the moments before you die.
In a sense, that’s true.
However, it doesn’t come at you in sequence or even in random order.
It’s just one picture that STICKS
in your head and becomes everything you feel and everything you see.
It’s not your actual life that flashes before your eyes.
What flashes before your eyes are the people who are your life.
Rachel and Clayton.
All I see is the two of their whole life flash before my eyes.
The sound becomes everything.
Inside me, outside me, through me, under me, over me.
RACHEL, RACHEL, RACHEL.
I can’t find her.
CLAYTON, CLAYTON, CLAYTON.
I’m wet. It’s cold. My head hurts. My arms hurt.
I can’t see her, I can’t see her, I can’t see her, I can’t see him.
Silence, Silence. Silence.
I open my eyes.
It’s wet, it’s wet, there’s water, it’s wet.
Water is in the car. I unbuckle my seat belt and turn around. Her hands are on his car seat. “Miles, help me! It’s stuck!”
I try again.
But she needs to get out, too.
She needs to get out, too.
I kick my window and break the glass. I saw it in a movie once.
Make sure there’s a way out before there’s too much pressure on the windows.
“Rachel, get out! I’ve got him!”
She tells me no. She won’t stop trying to get him out.
I’ll get him, Rachel.
She can’t get out. Her seat belt is stuck. It’s too tight.
I let go of the car seat and reached for her seat belt. My hands are underwater when I find it.
She slaps at my arms and attempts to push me away from her. “Get him first!” she screams. “Get him out first!”
They’re both stuck.
You’re stuck, Rachel.
Oh, God. I’m scared.
Rachel is scared.
I can’t see him anymore.
However, her image remains clear in my mind.
Yet, I can’t hear him.
Fumbling, I reach for her seat belt again.
Determined, I get it off her.
Tears in my eyes, I gently grab her hands.
Mine is. I pull her forward. She’s fighting me.
She’s fighting me.
She stops fighting me.
Fight me, Rachel.
Fight me. Move.
Someone is reaching in through my window. “Give me her hand!” I hear him yell.
The water is coming in through my window now.
The entire backseat is water.
Everything is water.
I give him Rachel’s hand. He helps me get her out.
I search desperately for him, my heart pounding. My breath comes in shallow gasps as panic sets in.
I try to find him, my mind racing with fear. The world blurs around me as I frantically scan the area.
Pushing through the crowd, my determination remains unwavering as I make my way forward. Saving him is my sole objective, and I won’t let anything stand in my way.
Being his savior is the role I aspire to play, and I’m determined to be the one who rescues him, regardless of the sacrifices required.
My chest tightens, and I struggle to draw in a breath. I can’t breathe, but I can’t stop.
Covering my ears with my hands, I shield myself from the deafening noise. With armor protecting my heart, I face the world’s challenges head-on.
Coughing relentlessly, I fight to regain my breath, my body yearning for air. Finally, I open my eyes to a new dawn, ready for whatever lies ahead.
I bring my hand up to my jaw.
My hand is red.
Covered in blood as red as Rachel’s hair.
I find Rachel.
I can’t find Clayton anywhere.
Pushing up on my hands, I scramble to the edge of the boat.
The urgency to locate him grips me tightly.
Suddenly, a figure intervenes, halting my frantic movements.
Strong hands pull me back, restraining my desperate efforts.
A voice, filled with regret, tells me it’s too late.
The words weigh heavy with sorrow.
They explain that we passed over the bridge after the collision.
In somber tones, they apologize for the situation.
I moved to Rachel, instead.
I try to hold her, but she won’t let me. She’s screaming.
Sobbing. CRYING. WAILING.
She strikes me with force, then follows with a swift kick. As I reel from the pain, her words sting even more, insisting that I should have saved him instead.
But I tried to save you both, Rachel.
“Save him, Miles!” she cries desperately, tears streaming down her face.
“You had the chance to save him. Why didn’t you?” Her voice quivers with anger.
“In that moment, all we needed was for you to save him.”
Sobbing. CRYING. WAILING.
Despite her anger, I hold her close, refusing to let go even as she tries to push me away. With every blow she lands on my chest, I let her vent her frustration, understanding the pain she’s going through. Despite her resentment, I continue to stand firm, offering my support and love in the face of her anger.
Rachel hates me.
I hold her anyway.
Rachel cries, but she’s quiet. She’s crying so hard her throat can’t even make a sound. Her body is crying, but her voice is not.
Ruined, Ruined, RUINED.
I cry with her. I cry and I cry and I cry and I cry and we cry and we cry and we cry.
The water is everything now.
I gaze at Rachel, and all I can perceive is water. As I shut my eyes, the only thing that engulfs my vision is water. When I raise my gaze towards the sky, it’s nothing but water that fills my sight. It’s astonishing how a heart can bear the weight of the entire world.
Rachel’s life no longer benefits from my presence. My actions have irreparably damaged our relationship.
Me and you and Clayton.
You can’t love me after this, Rachel.
Read About: Ugly Love Summary: Exploring the Complexities of Love
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The Ugly Love Book by Colleen Hoover PDF All chapters:
- Ugly Love Colleen Hoover Chapter 1
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